I could barely reminisce enduring those painful nights sleeping with solitude and sorrow…slowly devouring me deep inside. When I had to turn on the other side of my bed just to ease the grief dominating my soul, when at the middle of the night, I just find myself dumbfounded…I was shedding tears all along.
When I was dreaming dancing with you endlessly in the moon azure, when I dreamed of having you beside me when I sleep, where I could cuddle the whole you like tomorrow doesn’t exist…a dream of happiness was all I can wish.
There in that infinite portal, I can be everything I wanted us to be. I can bring you in any place I go, have dinner with you every evening, ask you to prepare my breakfast before I go to work, and pamper my headache before we go to sleep. There, I can feel your warmth when I calmly lie down beside you, where I can freely touch your smooth face, smell your scented hair. And cover you with my shoulders till the dawn breaks, and tells me it’s over.
But in dreams, there also dwell the pain and fear…of losing the most beautiful girl of my life. For even in places I myself created comes the adversary of happiness…melancholy.
For in dreams I can see you sitting beside someone else, holding his hand as the two of you looked on me with taunting eyes. I was tongue-tied, can’t do even a single motion as I watch you two slowly leaving my world. I wish I could halt even a single step from your feet, but it seems you’re the powerful, I’m the powerless.
Dreams make me realize that I really wasn’t meant for you, that when I was born, not even a single letter from your name was written in my palm. But how I wish I wasn’t conceived, only to know that destiny didn’t plan us to convene. If only heavens above endowed me the clout to change my fate, I could have scribbled your whole name in my palm, so destiny would have no preference.
Knowing you was the least of my expectations. How would I know it was you in my dream, if even there, I can’t see your face? How I wish I could have said “no” when you came. But I fell in love with you alright. I could impossibly say “no” to a mesmerizing beauty as yours.
Why am I so mulish? Why can’t I accept the fate that lies before me…that the girl, whom all I can ever desire of, was not meant for me? That someone was made for her, to mind for her, and be with her even in the worst squalls and tempest of her life.
How I wish she could be my wife, when the two of us, after satisfying our respective college degrees, and land good paying jobs, decide to dwell together and live a simple yet happy family life. When everything I was dreaming could come to reality, where I could slumber with her at night, touch her smooth face, and feel her warmth as we share our love in innumerable intimate moments.
But it was completely late, knowing that the path I was walking through, with her hands holding mine tightly like she was never going to let me go, only leads to one same place…
IN MY DREAMS.
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